Thursday, 6 December 2018

Autism / Asperger

I got my label.  It is official.  I had done the tests and it is crytal clear.  I am not happy to have a label but it explain a lot.  It explain a lot of my past.  It also makes me angry because no one had seen it before.  No one had seen it even if I had seen psychologists in a children specialized hospital.  I am also angry to my first grade teacher that saw my lack of interest in others.  My label makes her right in what she saw in me.  I also feel that a lot of people had failed me and maybe I failed myself.  I have not clicked on that sooner.  It would had saved me a lot of trouble if I had the help I needed back then.  It would had helped some of my entourage too.

I also saw a psychologist as a teenager.  I am not angry with that psychologist.  She had helped me more on some aspects of my life.  At least, it was her that connect me with a dream journal.  My dream journal had been a corner stone of my life.  It was also nice to talk to that psychologist.  She had the knack with younger people, well with me.

Now that the process is done, I feel better.  It explain it a lot.  Now, the next step.  I probably will move on and be able to explain my unconventional behavior.  It will  save me a lot of trouble in a social context.  It would be nice to have a person who would speak for myself.  It would be something nice because my personal speaker would explain everything better.

I am a bit curious how it will affect me now that I have the label.  I wonder if this will come with some advantage, even if I am an adult.  I wonder if it will improve my life.  It relate more to the future, anyway and in a sense, it does not change much.  The future is always unknown, so it does not change too much.  I don't think I will wait for long to see what that label will bring to me.  For the rest, time to return to create and do some craft!

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